My health is suffering very badly this year. Gosh, I am not even 30, no baby, not married yet and I have a whole load of health problems. I am so so so so sad.
My most recent problem is my back pain. The gastric is somewhat cured as I can eat normally but just avoid spicy, oily and cold. However the lower back hurts somewhat and I feel like some old woman clutching and holding my back. I can’t bend forward properly and the pain radiates to my buttocks and my knees and sometimes my ankles or even the soles. It hurts the most when I am sitting down such that I cannot sit for long periods of time (such as 2 hours) and must get up to walk. There are days where it hurts so much all I want to do is lie in bed yet I can’t. Sigh. And I don’t want to take painkillers because it solves the symptoms but not the root of the problem.
At first I suspected I over-stretched when I exercised as it got worse while I brisk walked. Yet the pain still comes on and off. I really do not know what’s wrong with me!!! I think I need acupuncture again. Sianz. When the pain comes on, I have to use a heat pad to relieve the pain or sometimes an ice pack. I am so afraid when I sneeze or cough vigorously as it may affect my stiff back. I used to be able to walk fast and jump but this few weeks, I am slow and deliberate. Maybe I should take some glucosamine. Oh, I hate those big pills, cannot swallow them at all and I will drink like 2 cups of water just to push it down my throat!
Why do I have so much health problems this year?? Maybe the fengshui in my office is bad, especially my seat. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
Work, colleagues, bosses!
I feel lazy recently. I don’t feel like looking for another job or for that previously coveted marcom executive position Perhaps I have grown accustomed and am too comfortable in my current environment. I don’t know. All I know is that if I leave because the people in my company are not chummy with each other, it will be waste of the regional exposure that I can gain. After all, they do not affect my life ultimately. All I can say it’s just a different ball game now. I had a lot of fun at my previous company but there were many depressing moments too whether it is with colleagues or work-wise.
Work
Now my weekends are completely free; 48 hours of personal time is just so precious. Although there may be times where I need to check my office email but somehow or rather I willingly do it at night or on Sat for urgent stuff. Last time, people used to call me if things cropped up or I remembered being called back to work on some unfortunate Saturdays.
Colleagues
Yes, there were fun colleagues and fun times but as a group, there are always dynamics. I always remember that some colleagues’ behaviours and words will affect me greatly in terms of emotions. Whatever that you did, it was never right in their eyes and they would gossip behind your back. That’s extremely sneaky behaviour! I admit I am no matyr and I do complain about people but I do not spread malicious gossip.
I remember this colleague who had a sensitive trait in her and she had worked about 5 years while I was considered a newbie and her supervisor at that. I knew there was bound to be some tension so I would tread carefully in my dealings with her and not step on her tail. If I asked her for help or checked with her anything I would say “Thank you” or “Can you help me with this, please?”, etc. I never once raised my voice in frustration to her though she had several times spoken in frustrated tones. I knew she had an inferior complex but I tried very hard not to speak to her like I was a supervisor. I can dare say I never did that. Yet, it hurt me very badly that I knew she gossiped behind my back to other of our colleagues and even complained to my boss about me.
It was common knowledge that she also tends to be jealous easily and complains about everyone but I thought I was helpful and nice enough, so what more did she want? She even complained to the colleagues that I was close with but they did not tell me about it but I knew anyway. It was terrible knowing people talking behind your back, trying to win people over to her side. It was terrible hearing people telling you that she complained about you, full-stop. And then what happened? Well, after awhile, I decided not to bother too much because whatever I do is not judged by man but by God and all matters is I do right in God’s eyes. However it was still demoralizing knowing that gossip spreads and people still believed her.
It was not my fault for holding an executive position because I came straight out from university; do not expect me to start from bottom. The paper chase works that way. Even though now there may still be people who gossip about me, it’s only the dumb pantry woman or some unimportant aunties.
Boss
My male and female ex-bosses were nice people personally but work-wise they did not really support me wholly in what I do. I hated living up to people’s expectations, especially during performance appraisals where the boss would say you have not performed well in this area, that area, etc. Or you may want to examine your relationship with this colleague, that colleague. Or you have to do this, that, this, that. Many a times I feel that I have done no wrong. Even if I have done wrong, the boss can correct you in a supportive way. It’s good to pinpoint areas that you can improve but do so in a mentoring way and not autocratic way. Like the other time one of my colleague was promoted to head the team over me. I didn’t mind but in the first place, they shouldn’t have told me to head the team just because I was on a higher level. Moreover the explanation given to me was quite superficial. It was a good reason as they felt I was inexperienced but apparently they did not take my reservations into consideration when they wanted me to head the team! Then they reversed the decision 3 months later! But oh well.
Right now, my current boss doesn’t really care about me but the relationship is kept very simple – just a working relationship, no emotions involved. Appraisal is based really on work performance. Sometimes that just feels better. And I am grateful for my sales managers who cover me at times when I make errors, well probably because everyone forgives salespeople who make mistakes. But, at least, sometimes.
Work
Now my weekends are completely free; 48 hours of personal time is just so precious. Although there may be times where I need to check my office email but somehow or rather I willingly do it at night or on Sat for urgent stuff. Last time, people used to call me if things cropped up or I remembered being called back to work on some unfortunate Saturdays.
Colleagues
Yes, there were fun colleagues and fun times but as a group, there are always dynamics. I always remember that some colleagues’ behaviours and words will affect me greatly in terms of emotions. Whatever that you did, it was never right in their eyes and they would gossip behind your back. That’s extremely sneaky behaviour! I admit I am no matyr and I do complain about people but I do not spread malicious gossip.
I remember this colleague who had a sensitive trait in her and she had worked about 5 years while I was considered a newbie and her supervisor at that. I knew there was bound to be some tension so I would tread carefully in my dealings with her and not step on her tail. If I asked her for help or checked with her anything I would say “Thank you” or “Can you help me with this, please?”, etc. I never once raised my voice in frustration to her though she had several times spoken in frustrated tones. I knew she had an inferior complex but I tried very hard not to speak to her like I was a supervisor. I can dare say I never did that. Yet, it hurt me very badly that I knew she gossiped behind my back to other of our colleagues and even complained to my boss about me.
It was common knowledge that she also tends to be jealous easily and complains about everyone but I thought I was helpful and nice enough, so what more did she want? She even complained to the colleagues that I was close with but they did not tell me about it but I knew anyway. It was terrible knowing people talking behind your back, trying to win people over to her side. It was terrible hearing people telling you that she complained about you, full-stop. And then what happened? Well, after awhile, I decided not to bother too much because whatever I do is not judged by man but by God and all matters is I do right in God’s eyes. However it was still demoralizing knowing that gossip spreads and people still believed her.
It was not my fault for holding an executive position because I came straight out from university; do not expect me to start from bottom. The paper chase works that way. Even though now there may still be people who gossip about me, it’s only the dumb pantry woman or some unimportant aunties.
Boss
My male and female ex-bosses were nice people personally but work-wise they did not really support me wholly in what I do. I hated living up to people’s expectations, especially during performance appraisals where the boss would say you have not performed well in this area, that area, etc. Or you may want to examine your relationship with this colleague, that colleague. Or you have to do this, that, this, that. Many a times I feel that I have done no wrong. Even if I have done wrong, the boss can correct you in a supportive way. It’s good to pinpoint areas that you can improve but do so in a mentoring way and not autocratic way. Like the other time one of my colleague was promoted to head the team over me. I didn’t mind but in the first place, they shouldn’t have told me to head the team just because I was on a higher level. Moreover the explanation given to me was quite superficial. It was a good reason as they felt I was inexperienced but apparently they did not take my reservations into consideration when they wanted me to head the team! Then they reversed the decision 3 months later! But oh well.
Right now, my current boss doesn’t really care about me but the relationship is kept very simple – just a working relationship, no emotions involved. Appraisal is based really on work performance. Sometimes that just feels better. And I am grateful for my sales managers who cover me at times when I make errors, well probably because everyone forgives salespeople who make mistakes. But, at least, sometimes.
Monday, September 18, 2006
A traumatizing weekend
This weekend was particularly traumatizing. I went to Geylang with some friends for lunch on Sunday and it was just supposed to be a simple lunch between some girlfriends but I ended up nearly molested. Again.
Sometimes I do wonder if I have the “I am dumb and I won’t scream” look. My friends and I were walking and chatting to Geylang when we passed by an old Indian man. He was looking at us and smilling but I did not pay heed to it. Later we settled on a coffeeshop to eat and we saw him walking past us again! When he walked past me, he smiled and reached out to touch me but I saw it and moved away in shock. I glared at him as he walked away and turned around to find my friend staring in shock too as she has seen what had happened. Later on, she said she thought I knew him as he was smiling at him. Gosh! Would I know an OLD INDIAN guy?? My goodness, I was flabbergasted at that man’s audacity to reach out and try to touch me or any other girl for that matter! I was quite tramautized so I kept looking out at people who walked past us while we were eating to see where their hands would go. Strangely, many guys kept staring at us when they walked past us but we were dressed decently and quite covered up. In fact I was in a long sleeved cardigan that was zipped up and hid my cotton racer top inside and pants. Nothing revealing at all. I did not have makeup on either. I think I just looked gullible.
Conclusion: Do not go to Geylang to eat without a guy to protect you.
Super sick!!! This is not the first time I encountered such a situation already! The other time I was on a public bus in Johor Baru, some passenger alerted me that an old Chinese man was behaving weirdly behind me. And that day I was wearing my spectacles, in a T-shirt, looking nerdy and super dressed down.
Seriously I don’t understand these people. Do they possess too much testosterone that anyone with the faintest female looking anatomy will do? Or do they think they can get away with it on the bus or on the streets just because of anonymity?
I think I need to pray to God for journey safety and mercy every time I go out from now onwards!
Sometimes I do wonder if I have the “I am dumb and I won’t scream” look. My friends and I were walking and chatting to Geylang when we passed by an old Indian man. He was looking at us and smilling but I did not pay heed to it. Later we settled on a coffeeshop to eat and we saw him walking past us again! When he walked past me, he smiled and reached out to touch me but I saw it and moved away in shock. I glared at him as he walked away and turned around to find my friend staring in shock too as she has seen what had happened. Later on, she said she thought I knew him as he was smiling at him. Gosh! Would I know an OLD INDIAN guy?? My goodness, I was flabbergasted at that man’s audacity to reach out and try to touch me or any other girl for that matter! I was quite tramautized so I kept looking out at people who walked past us while we were eating to see where their hands would go. Strangely, many guys kept staring at us when they walked past us but we were dressed decently and quite covered up. In fact I was in a long sleeved cardigan that was zipped up and hid my cotton racer top inside and pants. Nothing revealing at all. I did not have makeup on either. I think I just looked gullible.
Conclusion: Do not go to Geylang to eat without a guy to protect you.
Super sick!!! This is not the first time I encountered such a situation already! The other time I was on a public bus in Johor Baru, some passenger alerted me that an old Chinese man was behaving weirdly behind me. And that day I was wearing my spectacles, in a T-shirt, looking nerdy and super dressed down.
Seriously I don’t understand these people. Do they possess too much testosterone that anyone with the faintest female looking anatomy will do? Or do they think they can get away with it on the bus or on the streets just because of anonymity?
I think I need to pray to God for journey safety and mercy every time I go out from now onwards!
Friday, September 15, 2006
Tuned in, tuned out
Tuned in, tuned out. That exactly describes what I am at work ever since I discovered radio broadcast on the Internet. How wonderful that is!
One of my HK colleagues came over to Singapore for an event and she popped by our office. Her only comment in was “Wow, your office is very quiet, not like us in HK, we are a bunch of crazy people (“dhin yan” in Cantonese).” I was smirking to myself after she made the remark as it’s so true; the whole office is so quiet and serious that you can hear a pin drop or your colleague talking on the phone. Anyway, I don’t mind the peace and quiet now if that admin manager does not talk loudly or try to get attention. In whichever cases, I have my beloved radio to accompany me, my quintessential email and my messenger so I can concentrate on my work or myself or my own stuff and ignore everyone and everything else.
I think I have somewhat became integrated into this weird unfeeling cold company culture where everyone just does their work solemnly and quietly. Well, I am a person who keeps to myself too but I do open up to people once I know them reasonably well and once I feel the worth to open up to. Sorry, but I am that anal. Being bubbly is never my character though I am a warm loyal friend. (My friends, please vouch for me, I am sure you will!)
Anyway, I do feel slightly horrified that I seemed to have followed this company’s culture where people just do their own work and leave at the end of business close. I am now like them! Keeping to me, myself and meself. I don’t mind the quietness or that no one talks to me. I think I may have lost my social skills there such that I don’t even know how to talk to colleagues in the lift except about work. I think I have become like them.
It really really scares me. I don’t want to be unfeeling but yet becoming like them is the only way I can protect myself. Don’t ask me to try to change the culture, it’s too revolutionary and I seriously cannot be bothered!
One of my HK colleagues came over to Singapore for an event and she popped by our office. Her only comment in was “Wow, your office is very quiet, not like us in HK, we are a bunch of crazy people (“dhin yan” in Cantonese).” I was smirking to myself after she made the remark as it’s so true; the whole office is so quiet and serious that you can hear a pin drop or your colleague talking on the phone. Anyway, I don’t mind the peace and quiet now if that admin manager does not talk loudly or try to get attention. In whichever cases, I have my beloved radio to accompany me, my quintessential email and my messenger so I can concentrate on my work or myself or my own stuff and ignore everyone and everything else.
I think I have somewhat became integrated into this weird unfeeling cold company culture where everyone just does their work solemnly and quietly. Well, I am a person who keeps to myself too but I do open up to people once I know them reasonably well and once I feel the worth to open up to. Sorry, but I am that anal. Being bubbly is never my character though I am a warm loyal friend. (My friends, please vouch for me, I am sure you will!)
Anyway, I do feel slightly horrified that I seemed to have followed this company’s culture where people just do their own work and leave at the end of business close. I am now like them! Keeping to me, myself and meself. I don’t mind the quietness or that no one talks to me. I think I may have lost my social skills there such that I don’t even know how to talk to colleagues in the lift except about work. I think I have become like them.
It really really scares me. I don’t want to be unfeeling but yet becoming like them is the only way I can protect myself. Don’t ask me to try to change the culture, it’s too revolutionary and I seriously cannot be bothered!
People need the...
Recently I have been observing people a lot, watching them at work and thinking. Pondering.
Have you ever wondered about the life story behind the old man shuffling or the hunch-back petite woman clearing your used plates and cups at the hawker centres? Or the white-haired retired old man shopping around the supermarket or the old grandmotherly figure taking her walks in the park each day? They do this everyday. Don’t they ever feel the drudgery of daily life, making ends meet or even trying to fill their time?
Everyday they pass me by, I can see it in their eyes.
Empty people filled with care, headed who knows where.
On they go through private pain, living fear to fear,
Laughter hides their silent cries, only Jesus hears.
It’s a scary thought when your health fails you, when you age each year, when you have no aim or goal in life when your goal is accomplished.
“What’s next? “ you ask.
“Nothing?”
If you were to leave the world today, would you know where you would head after that? Would you want to go to a place where there is no suffering, only praise, joy and love?
If someone offers you this gift free of charge and asks only that you believe this is true - would you accept?
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize...people need the Lord?
If you have this gift, it is meant to be shared. Will you share it with your loved ones before time runs out? Have you ever turned and looked at your parents or siblings or your loved ones and see that maybe you will never see them again 10 years, 20 years down the road? Would you stop the hustle and bustle of your life to spend more time with them, to really take an interest in them before time flies? Have you ever wondered the impact or the purpose of your labour?
We are called to take His light to a world where wrong seems right.
What would be too great a cost for sharing life with one who's lost.
Thorough His love our hearts can feel all the grief they bear.
They must hear the words of life, only we can share.
r’s Stop
* HMS Host
* SSP International & RKHS
* Oberoi Group
* Alpha Airports Group
Have you ever wondered about the life story behind the old man shuffling or the hunch-back petite woman clearing your used plates and cups at the hawker centres? Or the white-haired retired old man shopping around the supermarket or the old grandmotherly figure taking her walks in the park each day? They do this everyday. Don’t they ever feel the drudgery of daily life, making ends meet or even trying to fill their time?
Everyday they pass me by, I can see it in their eyes.
Empty people filled with care, headed who knows where.
On they go through private pain, living fear to fear,
Laughter hides their silent cries, only Jesus hears.
It’s a scary thought when your health fails you, when you age each year, when you have no aim or goal in life when your goal is accomplished.
“What’s next? “ you ask.
“Nothing?”
If you were to leave the world today, would you know where you would head after that? Would you want to go to a place where there is no suffering, only praise, joy and love?
If someone offers you this gift free of charge and asks only that you believe this is true - would you accept?
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize...people need the Lord?
If you have this gift, it is meant to be shared. Will you share it with your loved ones before time runs out? Have you ever turned and looked at your parents or siblings or your loved ones and see that maybe you will never see them again 10 years, 20 years down the road? Would you stop the hustle and bustle of your life to spend more time with them, to really take an interest in them before time flies? Have you ever wondered the impact or the purpose of your labour?
We are called to take His light to a world where wrong seems right.
What would be too great a cost for sharing life with one who's lost.
Thorough His love our hearts can feel all the grief they bear.
They must hear the words of life, only we can share.
r’s Stop
* HMS Host
* SSP International & RKHS
* Oberoi Group
* Alpha Airports Group
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