Work, colleagues, bosses!

I feel lazy recently. I don’t feel like looking for another job or for that previously coveted marcom executive position Perhaps I have grown accustomed and am too comfortable in my current environment. I don’t know. All I know is that if I leave because the people in my company are not chummy with each other, it will be waste of the regional exposure that I can gain. After all, they do not affect my life ultimately. All I can say it’s just a different ball game now. I had a lot of fun at my previous company but there were many depressing moments too whether it is with colleagues or work-wise.

Work
Now my weekends are completely free; 48 hours of personal time is just so precious. Although there may be times where I need to check my office email but somehow or rather I willingly do it at night or on Sat for urgent stuff. Last time, people used to call me if things cropped up or I remembered being called back to work on some unfortunate Saturdays.

Colleagues
Yes, there were fun colleagues and fun times but as a group, there are always dynamics. I always remember that some colleagues’ behaviours and words will affect me greatly in terms of emotions. Whatever that you did, it was never right in their eyes and they would gossip behind your back. That’s extremely sneaky behaviour! I admit I am no matyr and I do complain about people but I do not spread malicious gossip.

I remember this colleague who had a sensitive trait in her and she had worked about 5 years while I was considered a newbie and her supervisor at that. I knew there was bound to be some tension so I would tread carefully in my dealings with her and not step on her tail. If I asked her for help or checked with her anything I would say “Thank you” or “Can you help me with this, please?”, etc. I never once raised my voice in frustration to her though she had several times spoken in frustrated tones. I knew she had an inferior complex but I tried very hard not to speak to her like I was a supervisor. I can dare say I never did that. Yet, it hurt me very badly that I knew she gossiped behind my back to other of our colleagues and even complained to my boss about me.

It was common knowledge that she also tends to be jealous easily and complains about everyone but I thought I was helpful and nice enough, so what more did she want? She even complained to the colleagues that I was close with but they did not tell me about it but I knew anyway. It was terrible knowing people talking behind your back, trying to win people over to her side. It was terrible hearing people telling you that she complained about you, full-stop. And then what happened? Well, after awhile, I decided not to bother too much because whatever I do is not judged by man but by God and all matters is I do right in God’s eyes. However it was still demoralizing knowing that gossip spreads and people still believed her.

It was not my fault for holding an executive position because I came straight out from university; do not expect me to start from bottom. The paper chase works that way. Even though now there may still be people who gossip about me, it’s only the dumb pantry woman or some unimportant aunties.

Boss
My male and female ex-bosses were nice people personally but work-wise they did not really support me wholly in what I do. I hated living up to people’s expectations, especially during performance appraisals where the boss would say you have not performed well in this area, that area, etc. Or you may want to examine your relationship with this colleague, that colleague. Or you have to do this, that, this, that. Many a times I feel that I have done no wrong. Even if I have done wrong, the boss can correct you in a supportive way. It’s good to pinpoint areas that you can improve but do so in a mentoring way and not autocratic way. Like the other time one of my colleague was promoted to head the team over me. I didn’t mind but in the first place, they shouldn’t have told me to head the team just because I was on a higher level. Moreover the explanation given to me was quite superficial. It was a good reason as they felt I was inexperienced but apparently they did not take my reservations into consideration when they wanted me to head the team! Then they reversed the decision 3 months later! But oh well.

Right now, my current boss doesn’t really care about me but the relationship is kept very simple – just a working relationship, no emotions involved. Appraisal is based really on work performance. Sometimes that just feels better. And I am grateful for my sales managers who cover me at times when I make errors, well probably because everyone forgives salespeople who make mistakes. But, at least, sometimes.