SAM

I was at the Singapore Art Museum recently to get my dose of the arts as it was free admission on Friday nights from 7 to 9pm. Admission is $3 per person on other days and half price for children. I was quite surprised to see a lack of art viewers even on a Friday. Perhaps it was because some parts of SAM were undergoing renovation. However, you want a quiet place to eat and relax, you can try the Olio Dome there – free from the maddening Friday crowd.

Basically, it was my first time there but in my opinion, there isn’t really much to see. I spent perhaps half an hour to forty-five minutes there slowly reading the overviews of the oil paintings by local artists and admiring them. My conclusion is that oil paintings are quite life-like as oil paint can be used to varying degrees and thickness to achieve different textures. Also, the current works at SAM are works of local artists such as Liu Kang. Actually that’s the only name I can remember as he was a SPH patron or something. In short, he was featured in the news before.

The next pit-stop on my list is probably the “postage stamp museum” but I am still thinking twice because of the admission charges. No point paying to see something unsubstantial!

Tattoo on my arm

Heya, I went to get a tattoo on my arm recently. Nice, right? It's the picture of an angel though the tattoo is quite big. I think my arm looks big too. Hmm.. But that's a side issue.

Of course, I have no guts to get a real one, this one's just an air-brush tattoo but the staying power is pretty good. I think it can last you for 4 to 5 days if you don't do anything to it. However, I was feeling the itch on it and decided to use soap and a brush to wash it off.

Maybe I will get a coloured one (fake) somewhere else on my body, sometime soon.

Lift my spirits please

Have been feeling pretty lost and down-spirited recently. Never felt this way before. It’s really discouraging, no matter how I try to cheer myself up or press on. I am so lost in my career quest and I seriously lost myself in knowing what I want to do and what I can do. I can’t see where I am going in my current job other than standard pay increases of meagre percentages each year. I guess I am also lonely in my organization.

Actually I don’t want to job-hop. I just want to find some place where I can stay long term and make friends or nice accommodating colleagues but I just can’t find it here. Recently I have tried applying for marketing, marketing communications or even corporate communications jobs but most of them did not call me up. Maybe I should apply for media/ editing jobs too. I may have exhausted the job market already by sending out perhaps 50 resumes in the past 2 weeks? Yup. Kind of aimless hitting wherever I can, whenever I can. I don’t want to hit aimlessly too but I also have no confidence especially after the previous interview. I don’t really know how my skills and experience will stand out since I am making a career switch to a more specialized role.

Sigh. Why? I don’t know what’s happening to me. Everyday I wait for my phone to ring, waiting for unknown numbers as they represent a ray of hope. No one seems to want me. I can only pray and hope and wait patiently but I am restless. I am fidgety. How do I find joy in God in my situation? I try to.

The waiting is horrendously painful and excruciating.

Interview with HPB

I should have known better to trust the vibes I have and my very own gut feelings.

I attended an interview with Health Promotion Board sometime this week and was totally pissed off at their lack of professionalism and a high and mighty attitude. I know HPB is a statutory board; I thought it sounded like a fun organization with all the various marketing activities going on but it has the government “smell” and “feel”, if you know what I mean.

Before coming for the interview, I had looked through the job scope once again and felt really bad vibes, as if something was wrong. I was proven right in due course. Was told to report at 10am for a presentation and discussion and had this feeling that it would be a group presentation and was wondering if it was going to be a group discussion after all. My suspicions were confirmed when I reached there and found several other candidates loitering around. We were then told to go into a meeting room to wait for the deputy director of marketing. I looked around and felt extremely unconfident and low-spirited given the outgoing personalities of other candidates and their advertising agency experiences.

Well, what happened next was HPB’s version of “The Apprentice” but to me, it was poorly administrated. The deputy director gave a very brief presentation of what HPB was about (only a few lines) and told us to introduce ourselves to all in the group of eight. So the round-the-table formal introductions began. After that, we were given an outline of what a particular program to be rolled out in future and were told to come up with a marketing plan in half an hour. We then had to present individual parts. I felt like I was back in Uni.

I am pissed because we were not told what we had to go through. I am pissed because it took me a bloody 2 hours of interview and no one told me. What a waste of time! In addition, this is only the “knockout” round. HPB wants to see who can work well and if there is teamwork. Is it necessary at this stage?? Shouldn’t the first stage be screening of candidates? How can you not screen candidates but dump them together to save time? Well, you can but this is poor HR and poor interview techniques. There was no genuine interest in the candidates.

Also I am pissed because the deputy director asked dumb questions during the presentation; I would think he has more substance. I am pissed because the deputy director was already biased in his selection of candidates subconsciously – he only asked a few candidates questions and looked bored at others. I am just pissed. Who knows if they will use our ideas we generated? That would be unethical and cheap.

Anyway I learnt a good experience from this and that is being able to react at last minute, poorly put together interviews. You can have this style of interview but someone needs to be in control and administer it well. I also learnt that marketing jobs are not for me. I will stick to marketing communications which is the execution

Pissing off week

It’s a pissed off week for me or rather start of the week. I was so busy last week and only left office at 7pm (which is very rare as almost everyone has already gone at 6pm sharp), so I was looking forward to this week. Had hoped that it would be free and easy but I was wrong. I was busy again… I mean really madly busy with no breather.

In addition, my past mistakes had snowballed and came back to haunt me. Suddenly there were like so many mistakes just uncovered and those cases were like early part of the year. Since no one knew it was a mistake, we kept using it, till the errors became aplenty. Of course, I feel it’s just minor billing errors but I know the US office will grumble if there are many adjustments to do. Then I was asked to explain how these mistakes came about. I racked my brains for 2 hours as I felt that a mistake is a mistake – even if I explained, anyone will just think I am trying to make excuses. And a mistake is already a mistake. Nonetheless, since an explanation was needed for audit purposes, I listed 2 to 3 important points as briefly as possible. I feel bad making mistakes but I really can’t bother to explain much.

Then today, my boss kind of reprimanded me over a task that I forgot to do and that is to allocate the commission of a few accounts to the sales side. Come on, 95% of the time I do it correctly and you want to condemn me over 5%. Sure, sales is super important but if the commission missing, it can be rectified; we will just have to ask US to allocate properly again. You can’t have 100% accuracy in this because the US may get it wrong, we may get it wrong or someone will dispute the commission should be spilt, etc. Anyway, it’s also my mistake but I really cannot bother explaining myself. Damn pissed over this because my boss implied I never do my job at all. She’s nice; but when she is not in her moods.

I don’t want to stay here any longer. It’s sickening. There’s no one to talk to and the boss only bothers about the sales team, granted they bring in the most revenue. The sales can have the perks as rewards but treat everyone fairly. It’s like even if I die the next day and don’t come to office, no one will notice or ask.

Would you want a working environment that the people only interact with you professionally and only 5% superficially personal?

I cannot wait for Friday.

I am desperate to jump ship. Give me a ship, quick!!

There is no need to bang things!

Something scary happened in office today or at least I feel it is scary.

Two colleagues [one young (B) and one old (A)] had a disagreement over where to place a box of hard-copy presentations. B had actually found the box on the empty table behind her (where she also puts her office stuff) and proceeded to put the box in the bin meant for paper recycling. When A found the box lying there, she was shocked as the box contained the boss’ stuff. So A asked B if she left it there. B (the young one, not me ok!) admitted putting in the bin as she thought it was unwanted. B was pissed off as it was not meant to be thrown away. B then started grumbling and said she could not understand why the box could not be placed on that table since it was a common table and there was enough space. B was fuming away too because later I heard her say aloud that she does not want to be responsible if anything from that table went missing, especially if it was the boss’ stuff.

I heard the commotion but pretended nothing happened – learnt my lessons already! However, the scariest thing was that after A walked off, B (the young one) shifted the box to the office storeroom and threw it there. Why do I say “threw”? That’s because I heard some banging and clanging sounds from the storeroom.

I think there is no need to purposely make some sounds to show your displeasure at the office. It’s so scary as it shows the true temper of a person. Scary. Scary.

Bored, bored. bored

I am bored, are you bored too?

I am bored in everything.

I am bored at work.
Staring at the computer blankly.
Nothing ever moves.
Nothing ever happens. Well, perhaps it does but no one bothers.

I am bored at home.

I am bored outside.

I am bored with me, myself and you.

I am so so so so bored.

I am super duper irritated!!

I am in an irritable mood this week and several people have stepped on my tail. Woe to them!

Why can’t people sleep straight in the MRT? The MRT seat is not your bed. I hate it when people start yoyo-ing here and there or use you as their cushion. The skin to skin contact is horrifyingly disgusting, especially if the person beside you is sweaty or sticky or whatever. Was on the MRT one morning and sat beside a plump fat woman whose head kept leaning towards me every stop of the way! That was like at least 10 stops. I folded my arms and kept my fingers pointed out, ready to poke her if she ever leant by again. She did not get the bloody hints. So after that, whenever her head starts inclining towards me and her fat oily arms start clinging to my arms, I will shift myself deliberately. She continued sleeping and I continued shifting almost every stop. And I glared at her angrily when she got off at her destination but she did not bother to look at me. Why can’t people just sleep straight?? She was super lucky I did not wake her up rudely and tell her off, “Excuse me, do you mind not leaning on me all the time? It is very irritating”.

After lunch sometime this week, I proceeded to push the chair out so I could get off the seat after my meal. The irritating woman behind me glared at me and refused to budge while I kept pushing against her chair. Didn’t she get the bloody hint? Is it so difficult to move abit? Some plump fat woman in bright pink top and black skirt office attire. Hello!! Who’s the plump fat one here??? She was like one and a half times of me and she had the audacity to stare at me as if I was the plump fat one needed a lot of space?? She refused to budge so I just climbed out of my seat and glared back at her. Dumb.

Also, if you sms me, please sms clearly and state the intention or meaning of your sms. If I sms you, please reply back. Don’t give me cryptic sms-es that I have to decipher the meaning behind it. I do not mind it mostly but don’t do it when I am in an irritable mood. Thanks very much.

There you have it. I am very irritable. Very irriitable. Very very irritable. Sorry for name calling “fat”. To prevent retribution, I shall exercise more and sleep less this coming week.

Itchy belly button

Silly me or rather stoopig insect which bit my belly button last week. Should not have listened to my friend and sat in a "garden" to enjoy lunch - in the hot sun!

Now my belly button is super itchy and has an insect bite remnants. It is sure itching like mad and after I scratch it, the whole "button" turns red.

Itch, scratch, scratch, itch, itch, itch, itch!!

Housework = housewife?

I love cleaning the house. I just don’t know why. It’s my weekend routine though throughout the week, I do clean the house once again if it’s dusty. I hate the sticky feeling on my feet but mind you, I am not a clean freak. I just like the main areas like the floor and cupboard surfaces free of dust. Of course if I am really so so so so tired, I will skip cleaning for that day but I must do it the next day. Haha.

This weekend, well, I cleaned the house again! It’s good exercise really, I sweated quite abit. Firstly, I cleaned the cupboards and polished the glass tables that are exposed to air and dust. Then I vacuumed and mopped. After that, I hand washed my clothes and hung them out to dry. Doesn’t sound like a lot to do but it took me about 2 hours to finish the chores. Add another half to one hour of ironing my office clothes so I have a full wardrobe on Monday to pick and choose. The sense of satisfaction and achievement is just so exhilarating!!

Maybe I should start a cleaning company and call it “Wong’s Amahs”.

I need a new job

Finally.

I am ONE year old in my “new” company. I achieved my 12 months target. Yet my perseverance is dying out on me. Can I hold out for another year? I do not know. I know I will definitely hold out till December this year but after that? I may be lost. I am in wanting to run off but I am scared of what the future holds. I am petrified of leaving one boring environment and jumping into another similar one. However, I do know I want to switch to marketing or marketing communications, which is more in tune with what I studied.

Why do I want to leave so soon?

I am tired of the cold environment which I work in.
I am tired of having nothing to say to my direct working colleagues when I meet them at the lift lobby or in the toilet or even on the MRT. This is so even though I rack my brains for a topic or try some lame topic but to no avail.
I am tired of the feeling where “even if you die, no one bothers or cares” culture.
I am tired of sitting at my computer doing at most administrative brainless work.
Ultimately, I am tired of being surrounded by people I see for 8 hours everyday but are like complete strangers actually. That is scary.

Sometimes I wonder if I had made a wrong decision to leave my previous company but if I did not, I would never know what the outside world is like and what kind of values I hold out for in a job and my preferred working environment. A change and a new experience has spurred me on to list out all what I want in a job, namely the roles I play, the corporate culture and the
people.

I want a company where I can grow my career, where I feel appreciated, where the office is actually like another home to me. I want a family-like culture and helpful and friendly colleagues. Not all colleagues can become friends but I am sure there will be some. The key to long term growth is still people - this is what I learnt but such a painful and arduous lesson. I don’t care if I can’t take 2 hour lunches – I don’t eat that awfully slow! I don’t care if my freedom is restricted – if you like the environment you work in, you won’t feel restricted at all.

Sigh.

Trust in God and ask God for a way out and to give you your desired job with the desired work culture and people. Ask and He shall give. Yes, that’s my prayer goal. My time goal is 9 months (target May 2007) and I will start looking for a job actively come 2007.

My daily lunch

I have a situation that I somehow cannot resolve. I have tried and I can’t really be bothered anymore, so I shall just leave it as it is.

The changes came gradually over a month ago but I took some time to analyze it and try to solve the problem after making sure that I was not being overly sensitive.

Well, it is like this, my regular lunch partner suddenly became very busy during lunchtime and would go off on her own without asking me or only sometimes telling me she’s got an appointment or whatever. She started to bring her own lunch to work often and if I noticed that I wouldn’t ask her out for lunch. Quite weird, considering that we have been lunching together daily for half a year. So I thought she was busy, on a special diet or wanted to be left alone and left it at that. After a few weeks, I felt it was really getting absurd so I started taking the initiative to ask her for lunch at least 30 to 45 mins before she scoots off.

It’s kind of pathetic as lunch has become quite boring after all with her. In the beginning it was not that bad as I tried to find out more about the company through her and she used me as a listening ear to complain about the people in the department. However, there is a limit to complaints and I felt it wasn’t very healthy. In addition, the complaints are always about the same old things. I supposed I got bored, maybe I bored her too. Whatever.

So this week I decided to ask her out for lunch again and I was slightly pissed off at her behaviour. We went to a café so we had to wait for our food to be served but because she ate sandwiches, her food came first while I had to wait for my food for a longer period of time. To my irritation, she started eating first and was not bothered about waiting for me. Nor did she politely say “Excuse me, I am hungry, I shall start eating first” or “Eh I very hungry lehz, I eat first ah!” She finished her sandwiches and cake within like 10 mins and I was still waiting for my food.

My food finally came and I felt ill at ease with her watching me while I was eating. I could see that she was slightly impatient but well, I can’t help it, the food came late. I tried wolfing it down the best I could while at the same time try to make conversation, which she did not. After going through a series of topics, remarks and opinions that I had pre-planned in my mind to make it a dialogue, I gave up trying to do so as there was less than lukewarm response such that it became a monologue!

I give up. Gave up. Given up.

My favourite National Day song

Happened to catch Kit Chan on Singapore Idol yesterday and she was singing “Home”, lyrics and music were incidentally composed by Dick Lee. Hmm… This is my favourite National Day song as it is evergreen and you will not tire of it! You will feel electrified when you hear Kit Chan sing this with her powerful and emotive vocals.

Whenever I am feeling low
I look around me and I know
There's a place that will stay within me
Wherever I may choose to go
I will always recall the city
Know every street and shore
Sail down the river which brings us life
Winding through my Singapore

This is home truly, where I know I must be
Where my dreams wait for me, where that river always flows
This is home surely, as my senses tell me
This is where I won't be alone, for this is where I know it's home

When there are troubles to go through
We'll find a way to start anew
There is comfort in the knowledge
That home's about its people too
So we'll build our dreams together
Just like we've done before
Just like the river which brings us life
There'll always be Singapore

This is home truly, where I know I must be
Where my dreams wait for me, where that river always flows
This is home surely, as my senses tell me
This is where I won't be alone, for this is where I know it's home

For this is where I know it's home
For this is where I know I'm home

Truly, only when she sings this song and only this song, my heart stirs and my eyes tear. I love this song! Suddenly I feel very patriotic. Haha.

During lunch this week, I tried to create topics with an acquaintance and was very irked by her responses towards National Day. It’s National Day, come on! While I don’t feel that the parade is interesting enough, I think that it’s a tradition and ritual for Singaporeans to celebrate National Day. This person had no feelings whatsoever about National Day or Singapore. She was just cold and chilling and completely uninterested. That’s sad, that’s pathetic. Hmm… Why are people so unresponsive and apathetic? There must be something about National Day that stirs your heart like Kit Chan’s song “Home”.

Something. Anything?!

Malaysia mega sales

I want to go KL shopping! The Malaysia mega shopping sale is here and I want to revamp my wardrobe. Cut down on buying casual clothes and more of work clothes that can be worn for casual too. That’s my new aim this month and next month. Have to be prepared to burn a hole in my pocket though but if the clothes can last me for a few years, why not?

Hopped over to Jusco at Tebrau City (in JB) for a shopping spree last weekend where according to Asiaone, it is one of the new bigger shopping centres that have sprouted in JB with brand names like Guess, Mango, Topshop and Dorothy Perkins. Much better than City Square I would say.

Guess what I bought? 1 sports tops, 2 sports pants, 1 working top and 1 pair of heels for less than S$100!! Amazing! The discounts are quite real at many shops especially departmental stores but there are always black sheep which bring out old merchandise or have huge discounts on those instead of the current stock. Or they give 10% discount on new arrivals and 50% discount on less popular stock. So choose with discernment.

Yet the sale is much better than Singapore’s, given the exchange rate and the very huge discounts that they can give – up to 70%. Can you get 70% discounts in Singapore? Nope. Even if you do, you will not get your size at all. That’s the sad reality but I will still shop in Singapore and fork out the money as sometimes the designs in Malaysia are slightly less creative. Unless you go for brand names like British India, Hush Puppies, Guess, you would be assured of quality and design but then I wouldn’t be able to mend that big hole in my pocket then.

Am I an ugly duckling?

I feel ugly.

Why?

My hair is unkempt.
It needs to be cut.

My hair looks old.
It needs to be dyed.

Sudden acne breakout on my face.
It needs to be cured/ cleared. Fast, no, should be ASAP!

Dry eyes from too much computer work.
I need funky glasses instead of contact lenses.

I have a big mouth ulcer near my molar.
It needs to be reduced to zilch.

I feel frumpy.
I need classy clothes.

And what do I need to do all these?

MONEY!!!