Prelude to CNY 2006

What am I going to do during CNY this year?

I think besides the usual required visiting, I will just rest and “nua” at home. CNY is quite boring to me and my cousins around my age because we don’t know where to put ourselves I guess. Besides playing with our nieces and nephews or very very young cousins, we tend to hang around and talk among each other. I don’t gamble cos the tables are always occupied by the older relatives, the tv shows/ DVDs are not interesting and the small talk with relative is boring, always evolving around where you work and when you are getting married. The kitchens are occupied by the maids and aunties who are cooking up a storm to feed the “army”, Hmm.. that leaves me with nowhere.

Yet, it’s good to rest at home as I have been pretty busy this whole month or rather the past 3 weekends and 1 public holiday helping my mum bake CNY goodies, especially pineapple tarts. I do think we started baking since the 1st weekend of January. Suddenly my house has turned into a home factory. I really take my hat off to my mum for baking non-stop, sometimes for the whole day, till I told her she’s going into overdrive. Haha.

Let’s see, my cousin ordered 40 bottles (each bottle about 50 tarts) to give to his business associates. Rather a good idea as CNY cookies are cheaper than hampers. Haha. Then we had to make some more to give to the relatives, One aunt needed about 6 bottles alone, plus other relatives, it should come up to another 20 bottles. My mum made some for her colleagues and friends to try and they ordered from her a few, too, about 8 bottles in all? Then, my cousin wanted another 10 bottles, my relative’s relative wanted 8 bottles… gosh.. I can’t count anymore. I think all in all, my mum probably baked 100 bottles of pineapple tarts with cashew nut cookies and almond cookies being the minority.

So what role did I play in this?

I packed most of the baked cookies into the bottles. I played a part in “looking after” the cookies while they were subjected to heat in the blistering oven. Haha. I cooled the cookies with a blasting fan. It was quite tiring though I think the baker was the most tired with the measurement, the kneading of the dough or cutting the cookie etc. However I can tell u, 100 bottles is not a joke!

Just let me laze in bed.

A hated “friend”

I have this “friend” or ex-“friend” that I dislike immensely or rather we seemed to have developed so differently within a short span of 2 to 3 years. I wrote about him, this love-hate” friend previously.

I denounce this friendship because of all the conflicts that we had. I feel unburdened now! Most importantly, it was tiring having to pander to an attention-seeking person who needs your attention very often. Initially I obliged his requests and went out quite often with him but later on as I found my feet and started working, his behaviour became increasingly irritating.

I grew tired of talking to him on the phone daily as I knew he just wanted a listening ear to complain about his work and make himself out to be pitiful. Perhaps I was a listener with not much comments, which he found an "audience", so he liked talking to me. Sometime later, I discovered that he likes to exaggerate. And he can call 2 to 3 girls to talk to each night. From then onwards, I hugely discounted most things he told me.

He said many things that were hurtful. Though I didn’t really care much to bother to change myself according to what he said, I felt it was horrible of him to say such things to a girl. He said I was not feminine enough, not girly enough; I was too “man”. He said I was not pretty enough. He suggested that I should go for manicure, pedicures, dye my hair, wear feminine skirts, etc.

I hated whatever he said. It was like he wanted to mould me into this image of how a girl should behave. I think I have my own unique individuality.

He kept asking me out but he wasn’t interested in me actually. And he was touchy, he liked to touch my arms, hands and fingers or my back and lean close to me, especially whilst standing on the escalator. I was terribly confused by his attention and actions. I guessed he gave out the wrong signals and I confronted him but his reason was that he just treated me as a friend to go out with. That’s fine. However, I just felt he sub-consciously thinks he’s a Casanova, catching up with different girls each week and that he has a very exciting life going out with many different groups of friends.

The irony of ironies happened!! Recently last year, he told me he liked me. I didn’t give a pinch of salt to it but he was persistent. I was irritated with his calls especially during office hours. And that’s a horrible boo-boo. Also, I like cakes but I don’t like to eat them so often in a week and he kept buying those a few times a week and brought it to my office. Later on, he admitted they were just excuses to see me. I asked him his definition of a relationship and love. He also admitted that he thought we could try for a relationship. Oh, please. Is it because he's nearing thirty or people around him are getting married so his instincts are fired? I don't think you find any suitable gal on the street or wherever to try for a relationship. You try because and only because you like her.

Even if he and I got together, we would have never worked out because he is so self-centred and I have to give in to him or go with his decisions. There would be just too many compromises and constraints. I don’t know. To me, love should be innocent and love is wanted the best for the other person rather than yourself.

All these incidents made me more irritated and frustrated with him. I couldn’t stand him. I felt suffocated. It was the last straw. Then I told him I had someone already. Right at the end. Poetic justice? Haha.

Sayonara to you. If I ever meet you on the streets, I will never say hi to you again.

Quarter of a century

So, I turned a quarter of a century old yesterday.

That sounds scary.

I wish I could forever remain young, to be energetic and do whatever I want without worrying about housing loan, car loan, children, illnesses, etc.

Yet again, I am glad to have friends remembering me and making this day so special.

That special feeling

People have different definitions of love and how a relationship should be. So do I. I don’t need so much of the excitement of the chase, the surprise gifts that are showered nor the romantic gestures of flowers and red wine or any unique new ways a guy tries to impress a gal. It’s not about confiding in each other anything and everything or to inform the other person what has happened in your day. For me, I think, simply being down-to-earth and sincere and faithful is good enough.

Well, I don’t know how to describe it but it’s a special warm feeling J and I have for each other. Something that makes me feel I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know and I am glad he very much feels the same way too. I guess finding a soul-mate really creates wonders. He gives me a sense of security and responsibility, which I know that I can rely on him for emotional support. This, I think is extremely important in a relationship. It’s like a ship seeking refuge in a trusted harbour. When he holds my hands, I know he’s not holding it for the sake of doing so, he does it because I am someone close to him and to show that he’s with me. With him, I feel and am well taken care of, be it my physical or emotional being.

J is rather quiet and abit of a blockhead as he always terms himself. I can’t agree more with his self knowledge but I guess these are traits that make him unique and endearing to me. Perhaps I can’t stand noisy guys who hog the limelight. I feel that you don’t need words all the time, silence can tell a lot. Silence can mean that you are so comfortable with each other that being in each other’s arms and enjoying “time alone” is meaningful too.

• He remembers the things that I say, be it important events such as my 1st day at my job, interviews or overseas trips or food I like to small things that I do not think he would remember.
• He always makes sure my stomach is filled.
• He does activities that he doesn’t do normally just to accompany me and make me happy, like shopping.
• He takes an interest in my activities and would ask me how's my day or how a certain outing had gone. I very much learnt to be more caring from him, given that I am quite aloof. Improving and getting there.

In addition, he’s pretty innocent in his feelings, WYSIWYG. It is not camouflaged by gifts, honeyed words, well-crafted surprises, etc.

I believe that however elaborate a gift is, however unique an idea is, however honeyed words are, these will fade with time but what remains is the love and concern you have for him or her as well as the goodness and happiness that you want for the person you love.