All I want is you, guy!

What do I want in a guy?
Seriously last time when people asked me this question, I really didnt know how to answer but I knew I wanted a family-oriented guy.

Hmm... The most important thing is that he loves me as I am and is my pillar of moral support. Of course, I hope he will be my companion till old age.

That's all for me, actually.

However, if there is really a need for a checklist, here it goes: Family-oriented, Honest, Responsible, Secure , Humorous, Caring, Loving, True to me = Faithful. HAHAHA!!! =)

Resting on my laurels

I think I have changed and it scares me.

Why? I realised I like to rest on my laurels nowadays, I have become a slacker. I prefer to enjoy things in an unhurried manner with a nonchalent attitude. Is this good or bad?

• As long as I have enough $$$ to get me the things that I want, I am contented. Even if my job is a brainless one, (which does not need me to analyse things), I have now a half hearted desire to sprint in the rat race.
• As long as I can do my own stuff and things that I like, I don't bother to keep in touch with friends that do not keep in touch with me. I am a survivor. Or am I a hermit?
• As long as I am safe and sound and stable, I do not care even if the whole world drops or if strangers fall.

Yet, from a Christian perspective: God does not want us to be islands. He told us to "go out and be fishers of men". Seriously, I have become lazy. Interacting with known people in your comfort zone is so much easier. Interacting with yourself is effortless!!

Yet, from another perspective: More interaction equates more activities and more fun with more people.

Do I dare to risk my feelings for new people, new activities and to be more passionate about my career, my family, my friends, my... everything and anything? I don't know.

Maybe I have become BO CHAP.

Forgiveness

I said a prayer to God this morning. I asked Him to help me forgive some friends who made me really angry and disappointed in them recently. I was kind of melancholy during the weekend because my computer was down, no internet as well.

So I spent 48 hours thinking about my life. Well, not entirely 48 hours lah.

Now I feel quite liberated because I have forgiven!

BUT. HOWEVER . WAIT AWHILE, there are 2 I have not forgiven. One is this "love-hate" friend and the other is "the gift" friend which I have blogged about previously.

Hmmm...

yankee inkie doodles

Yankee inkie doodles climbing up the tree, down came the rain and washed away his brains...

Yoohoo!!

I dislike yankee inkie doodles. I dislike them. In my 2 greenhorn years or more of working experience, I never ever had a good impression of pure yankee inkie doodles.

Yankee inkie doodles TALK too much, too fast.
Yankee inkie doodles are arrogant, they behave as they are the smartest and know-it-all and you don't know.
Yankee inkie doodles are loud and pompous.
Yankee inkie doodles have a self-inflated ego.

There is one such YID in my office.

Example 1: He likes to ask me to do reports or check up some information for him, which I know he WON'T be using at all. Or he likes to ask me to do this, do that, check this, check that, call so and so and beg for extension of deadline or whatever. In the end, the sales order DID NOT even come through!!!

Example 2: Or he would ask me to check with so and so but I know so and so is not in charge and won't have the answer but I HAVE to ask on this YID's behalf. I hate it cos it makes me look stupid and I already know the answer or who to look for. Sickening YID. In the end, I still have to ask, so I asked and I kena "piangz" or scolded or an irritated email reply.

Example 3: Once, he even asked the secretary to answer his handphone. Ordinary. But he asked her when the phone was ringing in his hand and he had to walk to her to give her to answer while he stood beside her. Duhz.

Anyway I don't give a hoot about this YID. He always act like he's a big boss, directing people to do this and do that.

Such an irritant.

Tired. Fatigue. Giving up.

I normally (try to) ask my gfs out during the weekends to catch up but this seems increasingly difficult due to our different work schedules and lifestyles and of course, changed characters. Some of them don't go out during weekdays or work late, so I can't ask them out then.

But I am tired. I am very tired of trying to check their schedules, plan places to go and confirm with her or them. What a waste of emails, sms, phone calls and planning.

If I ask one month in advance, sometimes they say can, sometimes really cannot, never mind. So I also ask 1 or 2 weeks in advance to arrange the dates and re-confirm later. If I do nail them down, it will be suddenly "Oh, I have something on." and I am like thinking "I thought I told you to keep this day free and I will re-confirm nearer the date??"

Then if I happen to just call them to meet up in one or two days' time, I am labelled "last-min". I only wanted to see if our timings can fit and we can meet up, if not, it's all right, cos it just might be I am going to a certain area or whatever.

Come on lah! Early no free, late no free.

No need to meet up lah. I am tired of such things. I GIVE UP.

I should just continue being a loner. (Which is funny, I used to think I was weird, cos I like to shop alone, don't mind eating alone and doing many activities alone. I used to go for classes in Uni alone WITHOUT knowing anyone. I thought I was a weirdo. Maybe I still am. But I don't care.)

Gone??

Gone are the days where we sat together and yakked.
Gone is the patience we gave each other to muse and ponder.
Gone are the times we went out with each other frequently.
Gone are the long hours we spent with each other unconditionally.
Gone is the understanding we had with each other's nonsensical complains.
Gone are the close friendship ties we had.

Gone.
Now are the days where we sit together and yak about the food.
Now is the impatience and pressure we give each other if anyone dares to muse and ponder.
Now is the time we only go out with each other on occasions.
Now are the minutes we count as we spend time with each other.
Now is the nonchalance we have with each other's nonsensical complains.

Now what exist - struggling friendship ties.

I struggle to hold things together but one hand cannot clap alone. Will I dare to make new friends? Will I want to? How long will these new friendships last? Will I get snubbed later on, as work, bfs or other commitments take priority?

I now function best, as myself, with myself.

Me, myself and my computer

I have been thinking about a solution for the past few weeks regarding my job. I don’t think I regret leaving my former company but I do wish things in my present one are better, give that the name is considered prestigious. Gosh. It has international operations yet my main grouse is the lack of human touch and interaction.

40 hours a week. That’s roughly the amount of time we spend at work. If we don’t make full use of it, isn’t it such a waste of time? Granted, the pay’s good but money cant buy you happiness. The general benefits are all right, no corporate benefits such as discounted gym membership, etc but I don’t mind! BUT no one talks to anyone. HARDLY. It’s just me, myself and my computer.

Me, myself and my computer. That’s how it is. I think I have forgotten how to use my mouth except to answer my boss, if she ever talks to me, that is.

Actually I am not trying to compare, I know I should not. I am trying not to but I have quite a tough time adapting from a noisy, fun-loving environment to one that’s like super quiet and the phone hardly rings. When the phone rings, I finally know there is life to it. I left my previous company because I was bored in my job which was routine and I was getting a lot of nonsense from those customers, especially “cheena” ones. There’s none of those now, no need to get angry at stupid people who think they are king.

Yet I have become a tiny miniscule part of this corporate world. A human machine sending out emails each day. A mute one at that. A non-interactive stone. Sigh. Everyday, I am just waiting for something to happen. Anything interesting or exciting. Standard routine for people here would be come to work, work, work, oh lunchtime, then back from lunch, face computer again, work, work, work, oh time to go home. No need to talk to anyone. No wonder people here don’t like to lunch together. There is no commonality and after a while, being with yourself is so much easier as you have already been “interacting’ with your computer for the past 4 hours.

Stone. Stoned. Stoned.

I guess it doesn’t help that HR doesn’t have any induction for new people to interact with the heads of each department. There isn’t even any organizational chart so I know who’s the big head in each department at least. To be fair, I was introduced to them but I don’t think a 5-sec meeting suffices. In addition, HR doesn’t bother to organize any annual event (like D&D or Family Day) or try to get the people to get to know each other and truly form a culture. I don't go for every such events but it's nice to have such interaction activities ongoing. Yes, it is a diverse culture here but it is also dispersed. I guess other than the ang mohs, the rest of the Asians probably doesn’t feel a sense of belonging. Perhaps I have been too used to my previous company so much so I have been spoilt. Hehe.

Right. How about job scope? Well, I am learning new stuff BUT there’s hardly anyone I can look to for guidance or training. And mind you, it’s not those normal Excel or Pagemaker stuff which you can learn by trial and error. We are talking about some in-house systems and technical stuff like print production. You know those printing technicians? If part of my job is to learn their knowledge (which they got through certified courses), how am I expected to know everything by learning myself online without adequate, proper resources?! Gosh. Not everything is learnable on the Internet. Where’s the standard? Where’s the interest in employee development?

I don’t know if I should leave. Is it too premature? Is it the same in other places??